Monday, July 26, 2010

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow??

    I've been out of school for 3 weeks, now, and am beginning to enjoy the summer vacation I waited so long for.   I totally relish slow, quiet mornings on my deck with the birds and meditation.  I find that I can run 2 or 3 errands in my car, and then get tired out, so I try to do those in the morning.   Most days I schedule in a nap of 1-2 hours in the afternoon, to give myself some recharging for the evening. 
     The "brain fog" created by these meds has set in.  It is difficult for others to understand.  Instead of being able to "multi-task", as I am used to, I have to deliberately think about what I am doing and remind myself to stay focused.  I make lots of notes, and that helps.  Communicating is sometimes a struggle.  I have to really THINK about what I want to say and how to express it so it comes out the right way.   I think that is why I don't like talking on the phone much.   Writing has always come easy to me, but not now.  The words on the paper just don't feel expressive of me, and that bothers me personally.
     I realize that I may be more depressed than I want to admit.  Depression is the number one side-effect of these drugs, and I'm always questioned about suicidal tendencies by the medical people.  I did make it to the Jersey shore last week for an overnight with my good friend.  I knew it would be a physical struggle, but actually it was so good for me to get away and be in a new environment.  I paced myself as best I could, and did take a nap in the house in the afternoon before going to the beach.  Walking on the sand is taxing, but once I got to the water's edge, settled in my chair, it was worth it!!
     The same for being with other friends.  It is easy for me to put off making plans because I don't know how I will feel.   Going out to dinner means getting dressed, spending time in the car, focusing on conversation at dinner when I don't really feel like eating, and getting back home again.  Things we all take for granted in every day life seem like a big mountain to me right now.  But a dear friend understood last week, and came to our house with a bag of munchies for the evening and a bottle of wine (not for me!) and we had a wonderful low key evening of catching up.  Perfect!  All I had to do was go upstairs and get in bed at the end of our visit!
     So the hair thing.   It hit this week.  My scalp began itching like crazy, and I chalked it up to lots of sweating at the beach under my straw hat.  Or maybe a case of sand fleas?  It seemed very full and even my eyebrows were a bit bushy.  (They're blond, so not so noticeable).  And then I realized there was lots of hair falling on my neck every time I brushed my hair.   Went to a scheduled hair appointment on Friday, and she confirmed that she could see a big difference in the volume of my hair.  And my eyebrows have virtually disappeared, along with most of my long eyelashes.  So it goes.   My hair is short, and although I can tell a difference, it still doesn't look real apparent to others.  We'll see what the coming weeks bring.  Amazingly, I'm not as depressed about it as I expected.
      I have to get to my chores!  I am now scheduling in at least one limited chore a day.  I HAVE to get some of my clutter and cleaning done during the summer!  But I give myself a finite boundary.  Only one shelf of the pantry is getting done at a time, rather than the whole thing, which is what I regularly do.  Spending 2 hours on medical receipts and insurance matters did me in on Saturday, but I did get it accomplished!  I love to play in the kitchen and with crafts, but for now, my energy has to go into effeciency and simplifying. 
      Hope I haven't bored you.  Again, thank you for your thoughts and prayers, and I hope this reaches out to someone else who it can help.

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